I Walk Alone Without You
by spike-is-so-hot
Summary: This is a poem showing how Buffy feels about Spike after Chosen, please R&R, hope you like it. As from chapter two this is a story. Chapter four is up.
1. How I Really Feel

_This is my take on how Buffy felt after Chosen, hope you like it._

I'll be alone forever and always

Walking by myself

No one understands me

No one ever will

I wish I could leave this place

I hate the monotonous din

I need someone to talk to

Someone who will actually listen to me

Someone who will actually care

If I don't I'll fade away slowly

Into the darkest abyss

Everyday brings a new battle

Life's an eternal fight

I can handle the monsters and demons

It's Dawn and the Scoobies that really get me down

They say that they care

Maybe about their own hides

They say they know me

They will never know me

Not the real me anyway

There was someone

Who knew me

Better than I know myself

Who loved and cared undoubtedly

With all his undead heart

He loved me like no other

And yet I pulled away

But then I came to realise

He was the only thing keeping me here

When I was with him it was the only time that I felt alive

That I was truely here

But now

He's gone

And so am I

My feelings I can never tell

I love him but

For the world he's now dust

And now we're both in hell


	2. POV

**Chapter 2**

_Thank you to Buffy Maniac, Slayer Forever, Mony19, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike-n-Buffy-eva and Hunter for your reviews I would not have made this into a story if it wasn't for you guys, so hope you enjoy this chapter. Please R&R._

A/N the stuff in italics is what the characters are thinking.

**

* * *

****Buffy's POV **

_Why do I have to wake up, it's always the worst part of the day, the transition of sweet fantasy and harsh reality. I don't think I can take anymore of this. The sooner we go our separate ways the better. Oh fuck here comes the cavalry, it's the same bloody thing every morning, ha, I'm even starting to sound like him. Stupid Xander and Willow and Dawn, every morning they come in here all cheery and right as bloody rain, always just barging in here, I could be getting dressed or anything and still they don't knock, not that I ever knocked for him, I always...I'm sick of this and Xander's got some nerve..._

"Hey Buffster."

_Oh how original, if he thinks for a second that that's going to work he can forget about it. I'll just give him my best icy stare._

"Oh come on Buffy, don't look at me like that, we made breakfast and everything."

"Yeah Buffy, don't you want some pancake-y goodness to cheer you up."

_Willow, Willow, Willow always trying to make things better, well pancakes ain't gonna cut it this time._

"Look, if you're quite done here, I'd like to be left alone..."

"Buffy..."

"No Dawn. If you guys have got nothing furthermore to say, then go, leave, I'm not hungry."

_Yeah right. I'm fucking starving, I haven't had anything since breakfast yesterday, but I'm not eating with them. It's all Xander's fault. Stupid bastard thinks he's so great._

"Ok Buffy, we'll just go then," Willow said, finally taking the hint.

_Thank god they're gone. Can't they ever remember to shut the door behind them? Or can they not even remember basic manners anymore? That's it, I'm outta here. I can't take this, I just can't._

"I'm going out, don't know when I'll be back. Don't wait up."

**Dawn's POV**

_It's a wonder, she doesn't rip that door right off when she slams it like that. But who could blame her. I guess she's still pissed at Xander for what he said about Spike. Why can't he ever just let it go? He won't even drop it after what Spike did for the world, he can be such a jackass sometimes. I wonder if Buffy will even come back. I should have known something was up, how could I be so stupid, I was just glad to see her happy again, but of course she wasn't, how could I be so blind. Uh, I hate these awkward silences..._

"So Dawnster, what do you wanna do today?"

_God does he ever know when to quit. _

"Xander, you should apologise to Buffy."

"For what?"

_Stupid, petty, jealous bastard._

"What do you mean 'For what?' you know exactly what I'm talking about Alexander Harris."

"I don't see what she's so broken up about. It's just Spike, and besides I thought you didn't like him either."

"But she had feelings for him and you know it. It doesn't matter how I feel about him, he matters to her, that should be enough."

"I'm not apologising for peroxide boy."

"Fine, once we've split, don't ever come looking for me and Buffy, cos you won't be welcome."

_I've had just about all I can take of his moronity._

"But Dawnie..."

_Yeah right, like I'm gonna talk to him anymore. I hope Buffy comes home._

**Xander's POV**

_God. What is it with the Summer's women and bleach boy? He's dead! And thank fuck for that, all I can say is that it didn't happen soon enough. He was a stupid evil thing, why can't Buffy see that?_

**Willow's POV**

_Xander's really gone and put his foot into it now, I was gonna go to Brazil, but now that it's over with Kennedy, I think I'll go with Buffy and Dawnie to Rome, I think Buffy could use a best friend right about now, I can't believe the way Xander's acting, I mean I love him and everything, but...he's gone too far this time. Poor Buffy, she's out there all alone, and she thinks that none of us care, not that we've given her any good reason to believe that we do, oh I've been a bad friend, I need to make this right, I've been to wrapped up in my on stuff, how could I let this happen. I should go and see if Dawnie's ok._

* * *

A/N Hey I know it's short, but I just thought I'd try this to see what you think, this is the first time I've made a fanfic in first person, is it ok? hope you liked it. 

Spike-is-so-hot


	3. When in Rome

**Chapter 3**

_Thank you to Buffy Maniac, Hunter, Slayer Forever, Spike-n-Buffy-eva, Bargaining and Buffy The Vampire Slayer for your reviews, I hope you enjoy this chapter, please R&R, again the writing in italics is what the povcharacter is thinking._

**

* * *

****Dawn's Pov**

_Rome, that was Buffy's decision of course, she didn't ask us where we wanted to go, but she seems to be doing better, well she's not sad anymore, and she actually talked to Xander, but Will still came with us, Xander's gone to Brazil, which so sucks, I miss him, but oh I don't know, I guess I should get ready for school._

"Dawn! Hurry up or you're going to be late!" _thereBuffy goes again, she's constantly on my case, it's like Sunnydale all over again, ok that's not completely true, but it's annoying, I helped with the apocolypse, you think that'd earn me some freedom._

"Dawnie, come on you don't want Buffy to get cranky, do you, cos I like happy Buffy, cranky Buffy is not so good."

"Ok Willow, I'm going, don't sweat it."

"Good, so you wan tme to give you a ride or are you doing the walking thing?"

"Yeah I'm walking, Paulo was going to walk me."

"What! How! What! Dawnie!"

_God it's to easy to get her._

"That was a joke, I'm walking with Christa, then after school I'll ride off into the sunset with Paulo."

"Ok now your going to pay for that one." _She's going to tickle me I just know I can see the evil glint in her eye, and there she goes for my stomach._

"Willow stop...please...I have...to...Buffy...will kill."

"Ok Dawnster I'll stop."

"Dawn!"

**Willow's POV**

_Geez, Buffy's been really high strung, I mean she's talking to Xander again but I know that something's still not right, it can't be, can it? I don't know, maybe we should have a girly night, that could help, but she might say she's got work, she's blown off all our other plans, but she has been working hard, this is all my fault, in highschool she always told me what was up, now won't even spend time..._

"Hey Willow could you come here a minute?"

"Yeah sure."

"Willow, I'm going out today and I don't know when I'll get back, when Dawn comes in make sure she does her homework, and I don't want her eating junk food again I want her to have actual food for dinner..."

"Ok Buff, where are you going?"

"Out look Will, it's not important you don't need to know really, I just need to get out of here, by myself."

"Buffy, is it because of Spike."

"I thought we weren't going to mention that name..."

"But is it, cos Buffy if it is, that's ok, I get it, he meant alot to you."

"No you don't get it, he meant everything to me and now he's...do you how much...and Xander he had no right...he doesn't even care...I..." _Oh god what have I doneI can see the tears and hurt in her eyes, come on Buffy let it out, tell me what's wrong._

"You know what, can you just do what I asked please, I need to do this," _Oh great she's shuting off again, great tactics Will, nice going, I wish I could help her._

**Buffy's POV**

_I can't cry, not in front of her, I need to remain calm and stay strong, I can do this, please god let me do this, I need to get out of here, ok that's it just breathe, in and out, slowly, concentrate, ok I'm good._

"Ok Buffy."

"Look Will I'm sorry, but just promise me..."

"I promise."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

_I wish I could tell her, I mean really tell her, but I can't, I just can't, ok stop, time to push those thoughts away,hmm, i think I'll go clubbing._

_

* * *

_Right well there you have it, what did you think, I know it's short, but hey, it's another chapter, well I'll write more another time. 


	4. Beer Bad

Chapter 4

_Thank you to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Slayer Forever, Bargaining, alannalovingwriter and Buffy Maniac for your reviews, hope you enjoy this chapter, please R&R._

_Again, just as a reminder, italics are what the POV character is thinking._

**

* * *

****Buffy's POV**

_Ow my head, god how it hurts, why does it hurt so bad, I didn't even go patro...oh god...now I remember. This is so not of the good, I have to get up, but I don't wanna move._

"Hey Buffy, it's me, I got some cold cloth for you," _Willow why is she sitting on my bed?_

_Oh right, she putting that cloth on my head, oh that's so much better._

"And some aspirin," _Ah good old dependable Willow comes through yet again._

"Willow you are a god."

"So how went the drowning of the sorrows, what exactly did you do?"

"There was alcohol and dancing...and then came more alcohol and...oh god..."

"What?"

"Uh, I actually danced on a table."

_Well I just took the bottom of the barrel to a whole new level._

"Well at least there was no one you knew there, and you'll probably never see any of them again. Em Buffy?"

_What now._

"Yeah Will?"

"Well, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and I know I should have said it sooner, but I didn't, and I've been a bad friend."

_Ok is this really happening or have I fallen asleep or something, oh shit, she's beginning to stare, she's waiting for an answer, I should say something._

"Thank you Will, you have no idea how much you saying that means."

"So you forgive me."

"Always. We're best friends Will, I could never stay mad at you."

**Willow's POV**

_Ow, power grip, I forgot how binding Buffy's embraces can be._

"Buffy, oxygen becoming an issue."

"Oh, I'm sorry Will, I'm just so sorry..."

_God she looks so sad and with the eyes, wait is she actually crying, maybe I should hug her again, oh I can feel her shuddering..._

"Buffy, what's wrong, what's the matter, you can tell me, please, I wanna help."

"Will it hurts it just hurts so much..."

"The hangover?"

"Being here, why am I still here, it should have been me, I should've had that fucking amulet, I can't...I just can't be here anymore, just let me die, please, kill me, please..."

"Buffy."

_What am I supposed to do, this is all Angel's fault, he was supposed to wear that stupid amulet wuss, and I'm pretty sure Xander's at the root of this too, stupid men, she wouldn't have any of these problems if it wasn't for men, stupid bastards, think there so great, god's gift, how can I end her suffering, well killing is out of the question, I'd do a forget spell, but she'd probably get really pissed if I did that, I'm sure there's a find your inner peace spell, somewhere, I'll need to start researching tomorrow, she shouldn't have to suffer._

"Down in the hellmouth I told him I loved him..."

"I'm so sorry Buff..."

"And you know what, he said, no you don't but thanks for saying it, I told him I loved him and he didn't believe me..."

"Buffy, I wish there was something I could do," _God I wish I could tell her that everything will be ok, but I don't think I can, how can I, not when she feels like this, _"Listen Buffy, I can't promise much, but I'm here for you, any time you need me, whenever you need me, whatever you want."

"Willow, can you just hold me."

"Of course."

* * *

Well there you have it another chapter down, well, I don't think chapters for this story are ever gonna be that long, but I am sorry for the lack of length, let me know what you think, until next time, 

Spike-is-so-hot


End file.
